Upsetting situations naturally lead to negative thoughts. If someone’s older parent falls, they will worry about their parent’s safety.
Focusing only on the negative is different. It’s not a warning sign that leads to discussion and action. It’s getting stuck emotionally and feeling like everything is a losing battle.
Someone who’s only focusing on the negative while helping an older adult might:
- See every situation as sad or difficult
- Regret or resent the time and help they give
- Criticize their own feelings and actions
- Feel responsible for meeting all the older adult’s needs
- Try to change things they have no control over, like others’ behavior
- Put pressure on themselves to “fix” everything
- Blame themselves when the older adult has problems or is upset
- See all change as bad
- Think that self-care is selfish
Ways to break out of negative thought patterns include:
- Spending time simply enjoying the older adult’s company
- Thinking about the benefits of helping, like developing closer relationships, understanding important issues and learning new skills
- Supporting the older adult to be as independent as possible
- Setting healthy limits and realistic goals
- Looking for the humor in difficult situations
- Being thankful for what’s going well
- Understanding when things are beyond their control
- Letting go of expectations
- Allowing everyone to be upset sometimes
- Celebrating small successes
- Thanking others for their help
- Practicing self-care
