Family members sometimes disagree about how to support an older relative.
Families can avoid or reduce conflicts by:
- Asking older family members about their needs, wishes and priorities
- Asking older family members about their financial and legal plans
- Explaining why they are asking and how they will use the information
- Discussing concerns, tasks and plans with everyone involved
- Sharing information and making decisions together
- Taking turns helping or splitting up tasks
- Asking trusted friends, community leaders or counselors to guide big or difficult family discussions
Common sources of tension when helping older family members include:
- Feeling that others aren't doing their fair share
- Feeling left out, unappreciated or taken advantage of
- Not feeling listened to
- Resentment towards "favorite" family members
- Concerns about safety or finances
- Disagreements about how to balance safety and independence
- Expecting women to help more than men
- Stress about balancing work, family and other responsibilities
Families can more easily work through disagreements if family members:
- Say what they have seen or heard that concerns them
- Share concerns without blaming or attacking others
- Ask about and try to understand others' points of view
- Are open to new information and different perspectives
- Are aware of how they and others respond to stress
- Manage stress by taking care of themselves
- Try not to take things personally
- Avoid bringing up old arguments
- Are aware of and try to avoid difficult family patterns like old arguments
