Learn about setting healthy limits

Setting healthy limits is part of practicing self-care.

Limits or boundaries make clear:

• What someone can and can’t do

• What time and skills someone has to offer

• How someone wants to interact with others

• What someone needs to feel good about a relationship

People who set healthy limits can better help others, because they tend to:

• Feel less stress

• Be able to handle more challenging situations

• Make clearer decisions

• Be more honest and open with others

• Ask for help when they need it

When people who are helping older adults don’t set healthy limits, they might:

• Always put others’ needs and feelings first

• Feel angry, resentful or guilty

• Put pressure on themselves to “fix” everything

• Blame themselves when the older adult has problems or is upset

• Think self-care is selfish

• Stop helping suddenly when the stress becomes too much

Healthy limits make clear what someone can reasonably do. They take into account the helper’s:

• Feelings and preferences

• Strengths and weaknesses

• Other obligations, like work, family and home

• Relationship with the older adult

• Need for breaks, fun and relaxation

People are more likely to stay within their healthy limits if they:

• Clearly describe their healthy limits to others

• Take time to consider whether they can help with something new

• Support the older adult’s abilities and decisions

• Prioritize tasks and know which ones can wait

• Take breaks and set aside even a few minutes each day for relaxation

• Let go when it’s not their decision or is out of their control

• Look for and use resources for older adults and their helpers or caregivers

• Ask others to help, within their healthy limits